literature

SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION.

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Literature Text

It’s a beautiful day for being at the beach, but Adira—the 23-year old demoness with a boring job—is standing in front of an outdoor court full of shuffleboard stations. The woman sighs while resting both hands on her hips. She thinks of her friends tanning in the sun and catching the cool surf. “Why the hell did I get this shift?” The demon asks. Adira herself has red skin, large devil horns, and a pair of titanic breasts—twin boulders of heft popping buttons off her nurse outfit.  

She’s stationed behind a sign-up booth which reads Maplebrook Senior Center: Shuffleboard Tournament and is surrounded by a crowd of elderly folks.

“Yeah, sign-ups for this week’s crap ends in 15 minutes.” Adira says. She looks bored as ever while filing her nails.

Ol’ Cain Leafblade—an athletic elf that was a mercenary in his hey-day—strides up to the booth along with his extremely buxom wife. Cain is dressed in a brown beret, long-sleeved shirt, and golf knickers. The attire of your typical senior citizen. “Ahh Good Mornin’, Miss Adira.” Cain says—then striking a proud superman pose. “Mighty fine day to win a shuffleboard tournament, eh?”

Cain picks up a pen and writes his name on the sign-up list. The elf smirks—looks like the signature of ol’ Robbie Robot was nowhere to be seen on the sheet. “Heh, looks like the competition is a cakewalk this week. No Tom Jenkins? No Leroy McArthur? No Ms. Rora? No Robbie Robot?”

Adira keeps filing her nails. “Yeah, tournament sign-ups end in ten minutes and shit.”

“Oh Adira. Do you want some gingerbread cookies, dear?” Mary Leafblade asks—as her gargantuan bosom jiggles while she speaks. Mary is holding up a full tray, and it’s clear she’s put on even more weight.

Miss Adira grimaces at Mrs. Leafblade—the green demoness who looked similar to her, except older and much fatter. This cheerful lady also wore a black sundress.

“Uhh no thanks…”

“Oh well~ I’ll just eat a few for you,” Mrs. Leafblade says. She then picks up some treats and devours them in the blink of eye. “You know, dear.” Mary says with her mouth full. “I have some outfits I’m bit a too plump for. I’ll bring them here next Sunday and give them to you.”

Mary then chuckles. “Are you sure you don’t want any cookies?”

“They’re all gone.” Adira says, looking annoyed as she keeps filing her nails.

Mary gazes down at the empty tray. “Oh my, I guess I gave out more than I thought.”

You ate them, dummy.” Adira thought.

“I hate to bother ya, Miss Adira.” Cain interrupts. “But can we get this tournament on the road? I’d like to win my coupons as early as possible.” The man says. “I’m taking the ol’ lady to a dinner theater this afternoon.”

“Tournament sign-ups end in five minutes, Mr. Cain.” Adira says—looking disinterested as can be.

 “Can ya end them now?” He asks.

“No.”

“What about now, sport?”

“No.”

 “Is now the time?”

“No.”

***
Although the tournament booth was just a quarter mile away from his location in the park. Red Robot wouldn’t let Roro fall behind. “Come on, kiddo! You can do it.” The 16-inch hero cheers. “We’ve almost reached the goal! Keep running!”

Roro is a ghost girl with blue skin. The 3ft lass is clothed in pirate attire, but she has a shuffleboard stick holstered on her back. “I’M COMING FOR YA, CAIN LEAFBLADE.” Roro shouts. But she’s out of breath while jogging across the field. The pirate is sporting a pot belly and very heavy, pear-shaped figure. Too much midnight snacking has led to Roro getting fat. So she needs to drop a few ecto-pounds before her flight ability returns.    

Tom Jenkins and Leroy McArthur zoom past Roro while riding on steampunk Segways. “EAT OUR DUST, SUCKERS!” The old men announce, followed by hoarse laughter.

“Go on without me, Red!” Roro yells. “Don’t let them beat you to the sign-ups!”  

“I won’t abandon ya!” Red replies, giving her a military salute. “No soldier gets left behind!”

Roro finally jogs up to her ultra-speedy friend. The ghost bends over and pants hard. “I’m not gonna make it before 10 ‘o’ clock.”

Keith the Scaleless—an old white dragonoid—roars as he flies past the duo. “THOSE COUPONS WILL BE MINE!” He says. “I DON’T DESERVE TO PAY FOR PRUNES AND CRACKERJACKS!”

“You’re not winning my crackerjack coupons, you dang lizard!” Roro says—jogging after him like a fatty. Red takes it slow and keeps Roro’s pace. The old droid smiles while thinking about prune juice. “Golly Gee Willikers. I would love to have free prunes this week.”  

Mortimer the Wizard races past them, he’s riding upon Mrs. Jill the Centaur. “Come on, honey!” He says. “I can hear those coupons calling our names!”

“No one is taking free crackerjacks from me!” Roro shouts. “NO ONE!”

***

The cuckoo clock on the Adira’s table is showing two minutes past ten.  “Sign-ups for the shuffleboard tournament are closed.” The demon says, looking bored as she chews some bubble gum. “So yeah, come back next Sunday.”

“Ha! You’re too late Robbie Robot!” Cain says, now jabbing a finger at his much shorter rival. “Looks like I’ll be the one winning this thing.”  

Red is begging in front of Adira’s booth on his hands and knees. “Come on, kiddo.” He pleads. “PLEASE LET RORO AND I JOIN!”

“Registration ends at ten.” Adira says while checking her nails. “Same as every week.”

“But it’s only two minutes past the hour!” Roro retorts, then resting both hands on her hips. “It’s not like we showed up when the tournament started or anything.

“It did start.” Adira replies. “At ten.”

Red stands and waves his arms up and down. “But you haven’t even done anything yet!” He cries.

“Tournament starts at ten. Get here on time.”

“FUCK THIS, LET US JOIN!” Roro shouts—now balling her fist at the nurse.

Adira explodes for no reason.

 All the seniors around the booth stare in shock at the empty area.  However, folks realize that coupons were now up for grabs. The mob runs to the center of the shuffleboard court, they swarm a treasure chest which held the vouchers. An epic battle breaks out between the old people.

***

While sunbathing in her bikini on the beach, Adira has tanning oil rubbed on her giant breasts by her boyfriend. “So I thought you had work today?” The angel asks. “How did you get off and get here?”

“Eh, it doesn’t matter.” Adira says—then putting a wad of bubblegum in her mouth. “I have big tits so I don’t gotta explain shit.”

Filler content I was saving for a busy time in my life XD.
:iconnemesiszeru: owns Roro.
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Aerial-Rave's avatar
>Dealing with seniors

>Doesn't want to work

>Nightcrawler bamfs her way to freedom.

Easy explanation!